It's been 8 years since my dad's death and he is fading. I still miss him. I still love him. I still long for him to have relationship with my children and with my husband. I still long for a continuation of our relationship as I have grown and changed and how that could have affected our relationship. But life has gone on and that is both a relief and a sorrow. I feel the sorrow most when I think about my children never knowing their maternal grandpa. I can envision them playing basketball and running together. Watching boats together on Lake Michigan. And I feel loss for them that they don't yet know to feel.
But life has gone on and life has let him go. And in the day to day, I don't think much about his absence. And that's ok. And it's also ok that the words, "goodbye dad" still get stuck in my throat. He is fading but I'm still holding on, even if most days, I don't realize that I am.
