It's been a big body-work week for me... I did pilates 4 days, chiropractor 1 day, and physical therapy 3 days. I'm feeling pretty darn good though. Next week I have 4 more days of pilates, 3 more days of PT and a medical massage. Plus our counseling practice has really been taking off these days. I have 2 new clients next week and the possibility of 3 more referrals that are on their way! It really seems to confirm to me that quitting Barnes & Noble was a good move. I feel so thankful and so blessed.
Do any of you know if rebound headaches are for real or just a myth? (They should test that on Mythbusters!) This past week I had 3 migraines 3 days in a row. I took Imitrex each time and wonder if that brought on rebound headaches? I can't get a straight answer out of doctors or pharmacists about that (of course). Anyway, 3 migraines in a row like that is unusual for me. I usually get 1 or 2 spread out throughout a month. I don't like taking something as powerful to my system as Imitrex is. I used to take over-the-counter Orudis & that worked wonders but then they pulled it off the market because supply & demand weren't adding up. I am missing my Orudis!
Migraines could have been a result of all the body-work I did this week too...
I'm looking forward to nothing but leisurely walks & doing some stretching exercises this weekend and that's it for weekend body-work. I'm taking it easy the next few days.
Hope you all are enjoying your summer! Have a wonderful weekend!
Friday, June 23, 2006
Thursday, June 22, 2006
Father God
I just finished reading Donald Miller's latest book, To Own a Dragon. It's Don's reflections on growing up without a father. It's mostly about father-son relationships (or a lack thereof) so I didn't get as much out of it as his other books but there was one thing that stood out for me. He was writing about God fathering us and he wrote that our Father in Heaven is not afraid to be close to us. That thought stunned me. I've only known a father who was afraid to be close to me. But God is not afraid to be close to me. I may have been afraid to be close to my dad and I may be afraid of being close to God but if God isn't afraid, then He can win me over. How much I wanted that from my dad.
Father's Day
Father's Day came and went this year without much emotion. It wasn't until 6:30 p.m. on Sunday that I really remembered it was Father's Day. Sure, all day I knew it was Father's Day but then at 6:30, as Rob & I were driving home from a relaxing mini-vacation-weekend-up-North, it dawned on me, it's Father's Day. And I am father-less.
On our way home, we drove through a little town called Ellsworth. Population: 471. It's where my dad grew up. We drove past his school, his swimming hole, the Post Office his parents ran and past the yellow house on a hill where he lived. But the memories I have of Ellsworth aren't of my dad. When I think of Ellsworth, I think of my grandparents. That's why we made the trip to Ellsworth every summer. To visit my grandparents. (my grandma's famous goulash, banana bread and cinnamon buns were added benefits). So Sunday, on Father's Day, I could drive through my dad's hometown and not feel connected to the fact that it was Father's Day and I was driving through my dad's hometown and my dad is dead.
Another Father's Day of not feeling... Four years now. At 6:30 p.m. on Sunday, I remembered it was Father's Day, and for a brief moment, I felt what that meant for me. And this is where I went with it... I thought about the future, when my husband will be a father and how that day will change in meaning for me. And I thought about my father-in-law and how for the last two Father's Day that I've been married to his son, I haven't been able to wish him Happy Father's Day. I can't even talk to him on Father's Day. And that connects me to my grief. That makes me sad. I don't know how to have a father-in-law on Father's Day. That connects me to my grief over my dad because that's something that's going on right now in the present. My dad died over four years ago. But today, I'm in touch with my grief because I'm not able to celebrate my father-in-law on Father's Day. What a loss that is for both of us.
On our way home, we drove through a little town called Ellsworth. Population: 471. It's where my dad grew up. We drove past his school, his swimming hole, the Post Office his parents ran and past the yellow house on a hill where he lived. But the memories I have of Ellsworth aren't of my dad. When I think of Ellsworth, I think of my grandparents. That's why we made the trip to Ellsworth every summer. To visit my grandparents. (my grandma's famous goulash, banana bread and cinnamon buns were added benefits). So Sunday, on Father's Day, I could drive through my dad's hometown and not feel connected to the fact that it was Father's Day and I was driving through my dad's hometown and my dad is dead.
Another Father's Day of not feeling... Four years now. At 6:30 p.m. on Sunday, I remembered it was Father's Day, and for a brief moment, I felt what that meant for me. And this is where I went with it... I thought about the future, when my husband will be a father and how that day will change in meaning for me. And I thought about my father-in-law and how for the last two Father's Day that I've been married to his son, I haven't been able to wish him Happy Father's Day. I can't even talk to him on Father's Day. And that connects me to my grief. That makes me sad. I don't know how to have a father-in-law on Father's Day. That connects me to my grief over my dad because that's something that's going on right now in the present. My dad died over four years ago. But today, I'm in touch with my grief because I'm not able to celebrate my father-in-law on Father's Day. What a loss that is for both of us.
Wednesday, June 14, 2006
Ah, Sweet Hope
I met with a Physical Therapist at a Sports Med Clinic today. I may be able to one day run again! It's going to take a lot of work but I finally have some direction. To start, I'll be doing physical therapy 3 times/week for a month. The few beginning exercises I did today revealed how weak my hips, knees and ankles are. So, I'll be doing strengthening, flexibility and stretching exercises, and I'll be getting custom-made orthopedics for my running shoes to fix my alignment. Even if that doesn't help my running, all of those things will be so good for my body. And, I actually have a lot of hope that in the long run (no pun intended), it will help me to run again. There's no guarantee I'll be able to run 5 miles a day like I used to but just being given the hope that I may not have to give up running entirely, and that I won't necessarily need surgery, feels really good.
This is all new to me. I've never had anything physically wrong with me. Despite having an active childhood doing gymnastics and running, I've never had a broken bone or even a sprain. The only surgery I ever had was a year ago when I had my wisdom teeth out. And now, for the first time in my life, I've been made aware of this body of mine. All my life I've stood with my back to the mirror and now, I turn slightly to take a peek. Can I finally be through with being disconnected from my body, with ignoring my body, hiding my body, and living as if - believing as if - I can just put on a pair of sunglasses and be invisible; that no one will notice this body of mine attached to my pretty green eyes? As if that's all I had going for me. Even those I hide behind sunglasses.
I've taken my body and my health for granted. But pain has connected me to my body and for that I am grateful. My body fell apart because of my neglect. Now I've called in the troops to help me - a chiropractor, a medical massage therapist and a physical therapist. I'm like a celebrity. All I need now is a cook, a housecleaner, a make-up artist, personal trainer, personal shopper and an agent.
How about, all I need now is to take off my sunglasses and turn to face the mirror.
This is all new to me. I've never had anything physically wrong with me. Despite having an active childhood doing gymnastics and running, I've never had a broken bone or even a sprain. The only surgery I ever had was a year ago when I had my wisdom teeth out. And now, for the first time in my life, I've been made aware of this body of mine. All my life I've stood with my back to the mirror and now, I turn slightly to take a peek. Can I finally be through with being disconnected from my body, with ignoring my body, hiding my body, and living as if - believing as if - I can just put on a pair of sunglasses and be invisible; that no one will notice this body of mine attached to my pretty green eyes? As if that's all I had going for me. Even those I hide behind sunglasses.
I've taken my body and my health for granted. But pain has connected me to my body and for that I am grateful. My body fell apart because of my neglect. Now I've called in the troops to help me - a chiropractor, a medical massage therapist and a physical therapist. I'm like a celebrity. All I need now is a cook, a housecleaner, a make-up artist, personal trainer, personal shopper and an agent.
How about, all I need now is to take off my sunglasses and turn to face the mirror.
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