Ah, Sweet Hope

I met with a Physical Therapist at a Sports Med Clinic today. I may be able to one day run again! It's going to take a lot of work but I finally have some direction. To start, I'll be doing physical therapy 3 times/week for a month. The few beginning exercises I did today revealed how weak my hips, knees and ankles are. So, I'll be doing strengthening, flexibility and stretching exercises, and I'll be getting custom-made orthopedics for my running shoes to fix my alignment. Even if that doesn't help my running, all of those things will be so good for my body. And, I actually have a lot of hope that in the long run (no pun intended), it will help me to run again. There's no guarantee I'll be able to run 5 miles a day like I used to but just being given the hope that I may not have to give up running entirely, and that I won't necessarily need surgery, feels really good.

This is all new to me. I've never had anything physically wrong with me. Despite having an active childhood doing gymnastics and running, I've never had a broken bone or even a sprain. The only surgery I ever had was a year ago when I had my wisdom teeth out. And now, for the first time in my life, I've been made aware of this body of mine. All my life I've stood with my back to the mirror and now, I turn slightly to take a peek. Can I finally be through with being disconnected from my body, with ignoring my body, hiding my body, and living as if - believing as if - I can just put on a pair of sunglasses and be invisible; that no one will notice this body of mine attached to my pretty green eyes? As if that's all I had going for me. Even those I hide behind sunglasses.

I've taken my body and my health for granted. But pain has connected me to my body and for that I am grateful. My body fell apart because of my neglect. Now I've called in the troops to help me - a chiropractor, a medical massage therapist and a physical therapist. I'm like a celebrity. All I need now is a cook, a housecleaner, a make-up artist, personal trainer, personal shopper and an agent.

How about, all I need now is to take off my sunglasses and turn to face the mirror.